Navigating the Family Mix: Blending Traditions in Midlife

Wendy Green [: 00:00:34

Hello and welcome to hey boomer. My name is Wendy Green and I am your host for hey boomer. And hey boomer is the podcast where we go beyond the surface, exploring the complexities of family relationships maintain meaning health, navigating, caregiving, coping with divorce or widowhood, and embracing new relationships. It's the podcast that acknowledges the challenges and opportunities that come with aging with a compassionate and realistic approach. The definition of traditions is the passing on of customs or beliefs from generation to generation. By having our traditions, we are saying this is how our family does things and it creates a sense of belonging. There are many reasons that traditions change. Traditions could change due to death or divorce or even a move.

Wendy Green [: 00:01:38

Traditions may change when new members enter or leave a family, or traditions may simply run their course and not work. Over time, as lives change or people get older, the ending of a tradition may bring some sadness. I used to make birthday pancakes for my kids every year. It was a fun way to start the morning on their birthday. Now they make birthday pancakes for their kids. And I love that they've carried on that tradition and I miss that I'm not part of that birthday pancake tradition anymore. Certainly COVID changed some of our traditions. I remember celebrating Thanksgiving via Zoom during the first year of COVID That was really hard.

Wendy Green [: 00:02:29

I was used to having 14 plus people at my house every year for Thanksgiving. Now that we're back together, Thanksgiving has really moved to my son's house and they do all of the preparation and the cooking, and I'm glad that we're still celebrating together. And in some ways, I'm glad that they've taken that on. Now my mother has remarried and that has brought in another complexity to the family. Her husband is from a large family and they celebrate regular family reunions. That is not something that my family ever did. So it feels a little awkward when they want us, myself, and my siblings to be part of their family reunion. When my mother married, I welcomed her new husband, my stepdad, into my family gatherings.

Wendy Green [: 00:03:27

But I've struggled to feel like I'm part of his family. I didn't marry into his family, my mother did. So it feels a little awkward to be part of that family reunion when I'm not really part of that family. So families get complicated and we can tend to make them even more complicated by the way we perceive things. So today we're going to talk about all of this, try to sort it out, reframe our beliefs so that they serve us best, they serve our family best, and we can have the traditions in our lives that mean something to us. My guest today, Susie Rosenstein, is a master certified life coach and host of the popular podcasts for midlife women. Women in the middle loving life after 50 and her newest podcast, Women in the middle entrepreneurs. Susie knows firsthand that having the privilege to age is a gift.

Wendy Green [: 00:04:34

She helps women 50 plus get unstuck, believe what's actually possible, and find the meaning they're looking for with confidence, courage and commitment to having fun pursuing it. She has had many opportunities to talk with women about the role traditions play in their families and the discomfort that is caused when blending family traditions, and that doesn't always go smoothly. Susie is fun and knowledgeable, and I know you're going to enjoy this conversation, but you have to wait a minute because I have two cute little things to tell you about, little ads to tell you about. So first of all, if you're a long distance caregiver, how would you like to easily connect face to face with your loved one? The Digital Health Companion from Care Link 360 is a safe, secure and easy to use device that fosters regular social interactions. Just imagine if your loved one could simply push on your picture on their screen. It rings your phone, and then you can talk to them face to face and check in and see how they're doing. Imagine if you could provide them with brain fitness games and body fitness tools. And imagine if you could set reminders for them to take their medication to exercise, or for any activities that are crucial for their well being.

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Wendy Green [: 00:07:17

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Wendy Green [: 00:08:01

It lets them know you heard about the trip here. All right, let's bring Susie on. Hello, Susie.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:08:11

Hi. So happy to be here.

Wendy Green [: 00:08:13

Oh, I'm so glad you could join us today. Thank you. So I wanted to tell you how much I love your intro where you say you help women 50 plus get unstuck, believe what's actually possible and find the meaning they're looking for with confidence, courage and commitment to have fun pursuing it. So kind of break that down. What does that statement mean for you?

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:08:37

Well, the thing is that when we get stuck, we're usually in autopilot living mode where we're not really thinking. We're just doing, we're just doing the things that we've been doing and we're a little bit removed from thinking about what it is that we really want. And then once we, if and when you get to the point where you're actually clear about what it is that you want to have the courage and the commitment to allow yourself to want it and to do what needs to happen to make it happen, it's a whole other ballgame.

Wendy Green [: 00:09:14

And it does take courage and commitment.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:09:17

It does. And constant. So many of us aren't comfortable or used to putting ourselves first, so there's a lot of obstacles that get in the way. So you have to figure out what you want. You have to figure out how to make it happen with your own shenanigans that are going to get in the way. So there's all kinds of things that pop up.

Wendy Green [: 00:09:35

Yeah. And you are a master coach, and I'm just curious about what that has taught you along this journey.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:09:45

It's taught me how to manage my emotions, manage my mind, get perspective on my thinking, and just to really hone the skills to be even better and better at coaching, which means a lot of listening. And what I like to think of is putting the patterns together so you really see the patterns that are coming from thoughts which are coming from speech, and then you can piece it all together and ask amazing questions that really help your clients have these epiphanies for themselves.

Wendy Green [: 00:10:16

Yeah. So have you used that? Now we're talking about traditions. Have you used, how do I ask this right when we are coaches trying to coach our own family is probably not a great idea.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:10:34

Never.

Wendy Green [: 00:10:38

But I'm sure there have been times when you've come up with just the best question to ask about how to navigate some of the things that come up in families.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:10:49

Well, yeah. And I'm often met with, mom, I wasn't asking to be coached and I wasn't asking for your opinion, because with my kids, I do let the opinions fly. And I always say, well, I can't help myself. I'm going to share. But you don't need to listen. You don't need to do it. I mean, you know what I mean.

Wendy Green [: 00:11:08

I know. I get that, too, mom. I don't need coaching. Thanks anyway.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:11:13

Well, the way around it is, I just ask. I said, can I offer you. I do have some insight from my coaching experience.

Wendy Green [: 00:11:19

I ask and sometimes they say, okay.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:11:22

Yeah, sometimes they do. But I always tell them, you don't need to apply this to your life. But I have a lot of experience. A, I can't help myself, and b, I really care about you. So every once in a while you get a text, never in person. You were right. It's very rare. But it's so fun when that happens.

Wendy Green [: 00:11:42

It's so nice when that happens. It is. So let's start with believing what's possible in the family dynamics when things change, when new people join the family or people leave the family. Let's talk about how our beliefs get involved in that.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:12:00

The first thing I like to do, which is I think the step that most of us skip is to think about how we want to feel in the future related to this thing. So if it's about somebody leaving, welcoming somebody in, you could ask yourself, how do I want to feel a year from now, five years from now, in my relationship with that person, even before traditions. And it comes up a lot when you do think about traditions, too. And that was one thing I definitely wanted to talk about today, is how do I want to feel about this topic? Why is it important to me? Why did you care about the pancakes? Why did you care about it? Did it make you feel needed? Did it make you feel creative? Did you like to surprise and nurture and give? What was that? And to just allow yourself to think a little bit about, what am I hoping for in the future? Because this kind of stuff doesn't happen by accident. New traditions don't happen. Pivots on traditions don't happen. Relationships don't happen by accident. And in midlife and beyond, we want to be really intentional because we do have that time sensitivity, that urgency around time that we need to really make our time count.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:13:23

And by wasting time doing stuff, thinking stuff, feeling stuff that weren't planned, that weren't intentional, it can really take you down a road. And we're not talking about Rhode scholar. We're talking about a road to sin and frustration and confusion.

Wendy Green [: 00:13:37

I know.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:13:37

And maybe disappointment.

Wendy Green [: 00:13:39

It's so hard with the pancakes. For me, that was a way of showing them they're special and doing a little nurturing and a little celebration before they off they went to school and I love that they took it on themselves.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:13:57

Exactly right.

Wendy Green [: 00:13:59

So it was like, oh, good. So that meant something to them too, which was cool. But when it's somebody else imposing, like I mentioned in the beginning too, about this family reunion thing, there's a lot of, and I know my mother's listening, so. Sorry, mom, but there's a lot of expectations about. Well, it's important to me. So I want you to come to the family reunion and it's harder for me to wrap my head around that. Why is.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:14:33

Well, because of the way you're thinking about it. So when you think about that relationship, right? Yeah. It might be something like this really isn't relevant to me or I love that my mom's happy, but I don't really see that this is a great use of my time or I feel awkward when I don't know anybody. Like I don't know. Do you know what you're actually thinking?

Wendy Green [: 00:14:56

I'm thinking that I didn't marry into this family. This is not my family. It's her family. She married into know. I'm. I've been trying to. Right. Like Yoda says, there is no try do or do not.

Wendy Green [: 00:15:13

Right. I've been trying to change my mindset about it because it's important to her. I care about my stepdad.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:15:23

Right, so you're not there yet because you still haven't figured out a way to think about it on purpose. That creates the feeling that's going to help you go with the smile on your face if that's what you want. If you want to have. Like when I'm in a situation like that, I always calm myself down and get myself excited about having one meaningful conversation. And that really helps me. Like, it helps me in a networking event. It helps me in any situation where I feel like I'm on the outside. I don't know many people, and instead of feeling like I need to know everybody, I want to have one meaningful conversation and that's that.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:16:00

And that has freed me. So I wonder if there's, like, a baby step kind of thought that you can move into to create the feeling that you want. So how do you want to feel? Do you want to feel loving, supportive, curious, interested?

Wendy Green [: 00:16:17

Yeah. I think probably what's going to help me the most is feeling, loving, and supporting of my mom and my stepdad. Right.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:16:24

Okay.

Wendy Green [: 00:16:24

It means a lot to them.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:16:27

Right. So you need to think something that creates that for you, and maybe it's about them instead of the reunion.

Wendy Green [: 00:16:39

Just being there and being supportive for them.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:16:42

Something like that. And it could also be like a baby step phrase, a bridge thought that it really helps me is I'm open to the idea. I'm open to the idea that if I focus on just loving and supporting my parent, my mom, that that is going to make everything okay.

Wendy Green [: 00:17:01

I like that.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:17:02

Does that help you lean into the event with a smile, being your normal self? Yeah, that one has really changed things for me. That one. And I'm learning. I'm learning that sometimes it's more important to think about how I can connect more with my mom.

Wendy Green [: 00:17:20

Yeah.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:17:21

And that the reunion might be a way to do it. Something like that. Just a little bridge thought to help you lean in a little bit rather than go, oh, this isn't my family. Because that thought, this isn't my family doesn't help you.

Wendy Green [: 00:17:34

That's right. That doesn't help me at all. It just puts up a barrier and it's. Yeah.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:17:40

Yeah.

Wendy Green [: 00:17:41

Amy, thank you for that babysat thought. She likes that phrase.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:17:44

Yeah. Awesome.

Wendy Green [: 00:17:45

But I like that idea of being supportive of my mom. That's a good one. Okay, so let's move into other ways that bringing other people into families can mix things up as far as relationships and traditions.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:18:01

Well, it's funny that you started out with an example about a reunion because as I was thinking about my stepmother, who came into my life when I was five years old, so it's a very different situation. But there was also a reunion in her family, and we would go to the middle of Pennsylvania. Her mother's side was Pennsylvania Dutch, so we were going into rural Pennsylvania, and there were so many cousins of hers that had fun names like Butch and know, like, really fun nicknames. And I remember they were so nice to us. So they were uncle cousin type adults, and we were kids running around playing in the woods, basically with a lot of food. There was a lot of food, and I kind of liked it, but it was a long drive. So in my little ten year old or seven year old mind. It was like a really long drive.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:18:56

We didn't know anybody. But I do have fond memories of it. So it was so fun that you mentioned that. Because when I was thinking about her family traditions that were very different, growing up in a rural small town with parents who had huge numbers of eleven kids and grew up on farms and all that stuff, not jewish, right? And so she converted. It was very different background and a lot of fun. A lot of fun. But the reunion popped up and the next thing that popped up was food. And what I find with the traditions topic is I also did one on my podcast and it was in the second year, because I love this idea of traditions and what happens with traditions, because it's not just coming up with a happy medium or a compromise when new people come into your family, but it's also identifying with this idea that traditions don't happen by accident either.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:19:58

A lot of times a tradition that you just assume you grew up with will just die if somebody doesn't pick it up and own it and want to carry the torch. And a lot of times it's the matriarch of the family. Not always, but it could be anything from a recipe that used to be a really favorite recipe at a holiday meal. If nobody owns that, it's not going to continue. And so in both of these cases, when there's other people in your family and when it's just your family changing because people are aging and moving and all the things, it really comes back to figuring out again how you want to feel about your family and the role that traditions has to play, and then what you're going to need to think to create those feelings for yourself and that will help you move into creating new traditions and upholding old traditions. So when somebody new comes into your family, if they feel really passionate about maybe something that happens during Christmas or hanukah or whatever, right? If they come in and they're like, oh, I'm with you this time, I would really like this special meal to be made, or I would really like that we do this little activity or read a poem or whatever it is, people have all kinds of traditions. Again, if you rely on how do I want to feel? Versus I don't know about that, that doesn't fit into the normal way that we've been doing it for 40 years. It changes things.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:21:36

Because if you want to feel love, support, compassion, connection, you might have a very different response if you're guided by your feelings. Does that make sense?

Wendy Green [: 00:21:45

It does make sense. It does take some work. I'm a big tradition person, and I have made it. Like, my dad and mom always did a big passover, and my grandparents did a big passover. So now I've kind of taken that over. Well, last year, I realized two of my grandchildren won't be with us this Passover because they're off to college. And I got all teary eyed when I was talking about that at the table. Oh, no, Passover.

Wendy Green [: 00:22:17

I don't know who's going to take it over, but I was talking to them this weekend, and I was trying to be kind of funny about it. I was like, so what are you going to miss most about Passover? Right? And they're like, I know it's the matzah. I'll send you some.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:22:36

Sometimes you don't even know how you feel about a tradition until it's threatened. One of the things I wanted to share, too, was also a Passover tradition. So in my family, I'm married, and I have three kids in their 20s. My mother in law has very different traditions. She's not an eastern european jewish grandmother. She's Sephardic. She's from Iraq. And they have completely different traditions, all kinds.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:23:08

But when it comes to food, there is something that she is very different with. And at first, I resented it. I rejected it, and I realized that if I wanted what was important to me, I'd have to make it myself. And so it's the haroset. It's the apple nut mixture. And I grew up with that, and I loved it. I could eat a whole container of that by myself, thank you very much. But her tradition is date syrup and walnuts, and I had never seen it before.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:23:40

And she explained they didn't have access to apples. It makes perfect sense that the food that you have is what you had access to. Well, at first I just thought, okay, it's weird. I'm not that into it. It has a very different texture, a very different taste. So I didn't really, like, I tasted it, and then I just ate all I could of the other stuff, which nobody was touching, because they all loved her. We live in the same town as her, and slowly, year by year, it's been 30 years now. I started to love it, and now I have both.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:24:14

And there's no resentment, because really, I saw that my family loved it. I understood it came from such an interesting story of not having access to apples.

Wendy Green [: 00:24:24

Right.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:24:25

And she's never been weird toward me about including my apple thing, but she doesn't prefer it. But, yeah, so it was really guided by the feeling that it was important to her. It was tradition. I value traditions. My family loved it. Anytime we had guests, they always went crazy for it. That's what they preferred. They wanted it.

Wendy Green [: 00:24:47

Interesting.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:24:47

And so now I'm like, I'm all in on it.

Wendy Green [: 00:24:50

Yeah. So do you know how to make it?

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:24:52

It's very easy. You just have to buy the date syrup, and then mix in the crushed walnuts, and away you go. It's the texture. It's supposed to be like a schmear.

Wendy Green [: 00:25:02

Okay. All right, so that is very different.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:25:05

Yeah. It's kind of, like, reminds me of cement. It's supposed to be binding. It is.

Wendy Green [: 00:25:14

But we had talked about the fact that a lot of times, when the matriarch or the patriarch or whoever's leading the traditions dies, if we haven't learned how to make those things or how to lead those things, where does it go?

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:25:31

What happens exactly? Somebody has to care about it and pick up the torch. And thankfully, at least we have video. We have video, so a lot of this stuff is captured. But one thing that does come up with food, it's the recipes. So it's not just learning how to make it, but it's also having the recipe. And one thing I tell so many people is if you can get a recipe in whoever made it in their handwriting, you will treasure that. Having a recipe, something that a food item. For my auntie, I have her chicken soup recipe, and it's in her handwriting, and it just means so much to me.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:26:13

I've made copies of it in case anything happens. But it's something so warm. And because food is such a serious, significant part of so many traditions, it's just a way to amplify the meaning of that one.

Wendy Green [: 00:26:27

Yeah. So what are some of your favorite traditions?

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:26:31

Well, I've got some of my favorites, and then I'll share one that I came up with with full intention because of doing all this work. So this one might sound weird, but I love guacamole. I was exposed to guacamole from my father's first cousin, Erwin, who's from California. When I was, like, in grade seven, and he was visiting the east coast, I grew up in the Philadelphia area, and he made guacamole. And at that point, I was like, what is that? It's green. It's not for me.

Wendy Green [: 00:27:04

I know.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:27:05

Well, I fell in love, and since then, I've just gotten really good at it. I've examined many recipes, and I always offer to bring it. People count on me to bring it to a party or something. And also in my house, it became one of the reasons why our house became the go to for nachos, because we didn't just have the nachos and cheese. We had this amazing guacamole. Well, my kids took it on. Now they love it like crazy, and I feel very proud that they kind of took on one of those traditions. I would have never thought that guacamole was going to become a tradition, right? But it did.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:27:46

But it did. Another thing that is traditional is love of music. My husband and I both played instruments. I played saxophones since I was ten. It just wasn't going to happen that my kids weren't exposed to music and hopefully would love music. Two of them do play something, and one of them, they all love music. We love music from everything from jazz collection to high quality speakers, to live music, to playing music and fostering musical jams in our basement and everything that went on over the years. I live with a drummer.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:28:22

Right, drummer. That's difficult. But that became a tradition. Maybe you don't feel that it's a tradition. Another one was camping. So my husband's family grew up with a cottage. I grew up camping with a pool. Very different.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:28:40

My husband's idea was, we're going to the cottage. That's what we do, and that's all we do. Forever.

Wendy Green [: 00:28:46

Forever.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:28:46

That's it. And I'm like, no, wait a minute.

Wendy Green [: 00:28:50

Sounds like some solo travel to me.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:28:52

Well, we ended up. I pushed for it and I said, we need privacy. We need our own traditions, and camping is a great way to grow up. So we had a pop up tent trailer for ten years. I got him on board. We enjoyed the cottage and the camping, and it was something that became our own. And they all love it. We did sell it just a couple of years ago.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:29:13

One more example is having a big dog. When I was seven, my dad fell in love with St Bernard's. We bred them, we showed them. And then when my husband and I got married, we had golden retrievers. We had one and then we had another. So we had 20 years of amazing golden retrievers. And the year I turned 50, ten years ago, I was thinking, what do I really want? What's really important to me? What do I want to experience and what do I want to share with my family? And that big dog vision just made me cry of happiness. That's what I wanted.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:29:47

It meant so much to me. And again, this is me. It's not my husband. He didn't grow up with dogs like this. And so what happened with me was I had a rough childhood, but there was a seven year period where things were kind of normal. In quotes, kinda. Not really, but kinda. And that was when we had not just first Bernard, but many.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:30:10

And I. As the oldest of five kids, I was involved in going to the dog shows. We showed them and bred them, and it was a huge part of my life that represented so much. Plus, even today, I'm getting Facebook messages from friends from childhood, elementary school, remembering when my dad would bring the dog into school for show and tell.

Wendy Green [: 00:30:32

Is that right?

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:30:33

We had 260 pounds St. Bernard. He was huge, and he was so nice. Anyway, people still remember that.

Wendy Green [: 00:30:40

Oh, fun.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:30:41

Constantly. It happened again a couple of weeks ago. So when I turned 50, I wanted a big dog experience. And because of that cottage situation, we needed a swimmer. So we got a Newfoundland, which. They're swimmers, they're water rescue dogs. He's only 135 pounds, but he is amazing. And what's happened in my family, this family has been exactly what I hoped.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:31:04

They love him. They appreciate him. It's the best way to meet people. People pull their car over to stop and meet him, and he makes people happy, and he makes us happy. So it was the big dog thing, and dogs in general, definitely part of a tradition that I wanted to push.

Wendy Green [: 00:31:23

It was all very. So very intentional. That's what I hear you talking about. It's, how do you want to feel? What's the feeling you want to share and feel yourself?

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:31:36

Right.

Wendy Green [: 00:31:37

Very intentional thoughts he must have brought in. Being that his mom was iraqi, he must have brought in some very different traditions.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:31:48

Yeah, but his father has the same background as I do. But, yeah, she's very talented, and she has a lot of interesting experiences. And a bunch of her sisters live in Toronto, so there's a lot of that energy and that experience, and they all grew up together, and, yeah, they did.

Wendy Green [: 00:32:12

So in your opinion, why do you think family traditions are so important and we hold on to them so firmly that we don't like change.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:32:22

Yeah, it's very grounding, and there's a lot of meaning, and a lot of times we come to rely on it as part of a feel good part of our childhood. Just like I was explaining about the dog. I think that's it because of what it means to us. And a lot of times it means reliability, stability. A lot of people have stuff in their childhood that wasn't great, but these traditions tend to take on a bigger meaning, maybe even if it was only one or two times a year. We still remember them so fondly, and we could rely on them. And there is research about resilience, about even the importance of having regular family dinners. So I think it's that regularity and counting on.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:33:12

And usually traditions are fun, but it's what we make them mean.

Wendy Green [: 00:33:16

It is what we make them mean, yeah. I was trying to think of some weird family traditions that we've had. My dad used to have this thing where he'd go to the county fair every year, and he always came home with a new animal. Like, one time he came home with a goat, and one time he came home with a monkey, and we lived in a monkey. Yes, a spider monkey. My mother didn't like that at all. We lived in a community on a lake. Nice homes.

Wendy Green [: 00:33:47

Yeah. Those animals didn't get to stay very long, but we could always expect, oh, there goes dad, off to the county fair. And a lot of times it was my sister that would go with them, and they'd come back with some kind of.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:34:00

But I think that was probably a very important tradition for your sister to share with your dad that something wacky was going to happen. And she was a part of it.

Wendy Green [: 00:34:08

Yeah, it was rabbits or it was.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:34:10

Whatever it was, they were coming home with something wacky. Yeah. Well, I think doing this work on traditions, it helped me come up with something about the cottage. And so, as I mentioned, that cottage thing, for people who grow up with a lake house or a cottage or camping tradition, anything like that, they really don't want to do much else other than that thing. And I was annoyed by that over the years, and it's been a lot of years now. So when I turned. No, it wasn't a milestone birthday. It was a few years ago.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:34:42

I thought, what can I do that is totally mine at the cottage. Totally mine. And I thought of a weird example for me, but it worked like a charm, and it was to develop a signature drink at the cottage. Right. And the reason it was weird for me is because I don't really drink. But I thought that would be fun. I could make a virgin version of it. And so it became a whole fun thing to do with my kids.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:35:12

They were concocting it. They made a recipe. One of them had done some bartending, so we knew. We talked about the shape of the glass, the color of the drink, if it was going to be fruity or creamy or what kind of flavor, and they came up with something. And I purchased the fun glasses with the umbrellas and the straw, and we made sure we had marashino cherries. And the name of it became the sturgeon sunrise. And sturgeon is because of the sturgeon, the fish. But what was so cool about it was for my birthday that year.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:35:50

They shocked me. I was happy to just have the inaugural drink.

Wendy Green [: 00:35:54

Right.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:35:55

They contacted a friend of theirs who was a professional graphic designer. They had it illustrated like a poster framed. And now it hangs in the cottage.

Wendy Green [: 00:36:06

That is amazing.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:36:08

So to me, they took it on.

Wendy Green [: 00:36:12

And they helped you create it, too, which made it even more meaningful, the whole thing.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:36:17

And I thought, this is how you're intentional if you focus on the feelings. And for me, I wanted to feel like it was my place, too. It wasn't just a 50 year old cottage with everybody's tradition but mine, which is pretty much the way it is there.

Wendy Green [: 00:36:34

That's the way it felt.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:36:36

Right. So what can I do? How do I want to feel? I want to feel included. I want it to be fun. I want it to be mine, and I want other people to enjoy it. And that's what happened. And I think that's the key, is if you want to feel connected, that may help you make decisions about requests and pivots along the way. If you want to feel original, if you want to feel creative, fun, loving, supportive, if you want something meaningful in terms of history, let your feelings guide you, and then create a thought that helps you think it. If you have resistance and carry on from there.

Wendy Green [: 00:37:18

And I think also, I'm thinking about all the people that have moved in and out of my family. You know, I think it's also getting to the point of appreciation, you know, what other people are bringing in. It may not be your stuff. It may not be the way you would do it. I'm sure it doesn't have the same meaning for you, but it does for them.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:37:43

Exactly.

Wendy Green [: 00:37:45

And finding the appreciation for what they're bringing and what you might actually learn from that, I think is another brilliant.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:37:53

Yeah. And that's gratitude for the win, right? Be grateful that you have new people in your life. Be grateful that they have experiences that are so different than you are. I mean, I wouldn't know anything about whoopee pies if my mom didn't bring that recipe into the family. Whoopee pies are amazing. And then a friend of mine asked me for my mom's whoopee pie recipe. Like, how about that? That's just a little example, but, yeah.

Wendy Green [: 00:38:19

Other side, too, is when you lose somebody. I've been in families where they leave that empty chair at the table, which is so sad. But if you. Again, it's a reframing. Well, we are recognizing and appreciating that they were here, but I think there's a lot of challenge to family traditions when you lose that person. That was kind of the glue around the traditions.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:38:51

Yes. So somebody has to take initiative for things that are meaningful. And you have to ask yourself, are you open to exploring what's meaningful for you in terms of the way you want to honor and celebrate their memory? I think there's a lot of room there for just a really meaningful future of memories. And I love that. And actually, I've been very inspired by an uncle of mine. He's 81, lives out in California, and I've been watching him for decades now. He's incredibly sensitive and creative about this sort of stuff, and I have watched him create beautiful traditions, everything from celebrating the 50th anniversary of his graduation from Miami State. He ordered stuff online, and he really pulled out his ring, and he really got into it.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:39:57

And he had a backammon tradition that was wonderful. And every year he and his wife would have a backammon game. I think they did a series of three, and the winner would get a cup, a special cup that was made from a cup from friendlies, which was a restaurant on the east coast. They called it the fribble cup. So it was just a meaningful thing that they played it whenever they went on vacation. They did the series of the backhamming games, and whoever won the cup got their name on the cup, and the cup sat on top of their fridge. So, I mean, you can have traditions that are part of daily life. They don't need to just be big, notable reasons to celebrate.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:40:44

It just all takes more mindfulness.

Wendy Green [: 00:40:47

Yeah. And as I said in the beginning, sometimes they have to change. So I shift for Thanksgiving. We would go around the table. What are you thankful for? Well, of course, as the family got bigger and bigger, that took a long time, and the kids started rolling their eyes like, okay, mom. So I decided one year to do those paper chains, and I'd leave paper out, and the kids could write, and the grandkids really got into it. So we had this long paper chain around the table of all the things they could think of that they were grateful for. So that was fun.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:41:19

That was a fun and meaningful. And you read your audience. You read the room, read the audience.

Wendy Green [: 00:08:00

Yay. Well, I want to thank you, Susie. I knew this was going to be fun. You're always so easy to talk to and fun. So I want to encourage people to go listen to Susie's podcast. She really is amazing. Go to Women In The Middle: Loving Life After 50. That's one of her podcasts.

Wendy Green [: 00:41:46

And then her newest one is Women In The Middle Entrepreneurs. So those of us in midlife restarting to create our own business, it's great. So please go listen to that. Also, check out her website. It's suzyrosenstein.com. All of this will be in the show notes and she has a free giveaway for the audience today. You can go to freepodcastbundle.com. Tell me what they're going to get in that, Suzy.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:42:18

They're going to get a quick and easy email that'll come with twelve top episodes that will give you the secrets, the top secrets to love your life after 50. So there are episodes that are popular and that it's a broad range of topics that you can easily apply the lessons and the things that I'm talking about to your own life. And yeah, I think you'll laugh and I think you'll have a really good time and you'll learn lots of stuff.

Wendy Green [: 00:42:44

Great. So that's freepodcastbundle.com. All right. I appreciate all of the comments that came in today. Thank you people for being supportive and saying hi and sharing some of your stories. So appreciate that. Please let me know what you took away from today's episode. Your comments and ratings and reviews and stars and shares and all of that make this show more valuable to more people.

Wendy Green [: 00:42:17

So make sure you share it out. And I also want to remind you to check out mycarelink.com/ref/boomer. Go look and see how you can connect with a loved one in assisted living in some kind of long term care facility and have eyes on them and be able to provide them with a lot of good stuff. Also, plan your next trip with roadscholar.org/heyboomer, so many fun places to go. I just want to be on the road so much.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:43:53

I want to thank you so much for inviting me today, Wendy. And honestly, when you said you wanted to talk about traditions, I just lit up because I was so excited about this topic and I think it's something that we don't necessarily think a lot about. It kind of sneaks up on us and it's an area we can be way more intentional about. We can have way more fun.

Wendy Green [: 00:43:52

Absolutely. And if you want to talk to Susie some more, she is going to be on our Boomer Believer Zoom meeting. That is at the end of the month on Tuesday, March 26. We meet at 6:30 eastern time. And if you want to be part of the Boomer Believer group that gets to talk to Susie again live, go to buymeacoffee.com/heyboomer0413, the date of our first show. All right. Coming up next week is Mary Kay Fleming. Mary Kay is a professor emirata of psychology, a mother of two, a grandmother of three and an award winning writer, a humor writer from greater Cincinnati.

Wendy Green [: 00:45:02

I read an article that she wrote for next Avenue, and it was about what changes when a husband retires. It was very funny. So we're going to talk about some of those changes and how Mary Kay and her husband have evolved since then. And I'm expecting quite a few laughs on that one. So join us then. Thank you for dropping in to listen to hey, Boomer. Thank you, Susie.

Suzy Rosenstein [: 00:45:29

Thank you so much.

Wendy Green [: 00:45:31

My name is Wendy Green and this has been. Hey, Boomer.